All jokes aside

By Rua MacTírean

I really really can’t get any work done. I’m hungry and bored and nobody’s around. My tummy makes air raid noises and my brain makes ‘lets go to sleep’ noises. My arse is getting a repetitive strain injury but my legs really don’t feel like carrying me anywhere, and don’t even get me started on those lazy buggers in my eye sockets-its a battle just keeping the blinds open.

Even the fluff in my bellybutton is bored. Tired in that way that boredom can make you and bored in that way that exhaustion can leave you. And all of them together sick and sorry that we, as a team, ever got out of bed.

Another bad call by whoever set the alarm last night, fingers, they’re always so overly enthusiastic about everything. Look at them, tap tap tap-fuck off. Selfish pricks, nobody else wanted to get up today-but they insisted on pressing ’snooze’ instead of ‘turn off’. 

 The worst is the thumb, he’s their ring-leader you know, always pushing buttons and grabbing a hold of things. When the fingers finish a word, he’s the one who presses ’space’ and eggs them on to write another one. And he just keeps going, again and again. Dickhead

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2 Responses to “All jokes aside”

  1. conortje Says:

    tie your hands behind your back when you go to bed tonight so you can’t set the alarm – and stay there all day tomorrow with some chocolate biscuits – delicious!

  2. Rua MacTírean Says:

    Ye but how do I get biscuits out of the cupboard with my hands tied behind my back? Don’t say “leave them out the night before” because frankly-they won’t survive unprotected in the dark

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