We have net emmigration for the first time since 1995. Lucky diggers, I want off of this fucking island too! I realised this morning that I haven’t advanced as a person since the age of seventeen. In fact, I’d say that I’ve regressed. Gotten a bit better at writing maybe, certainly gotten hungrier*, but that’s about it.
Now that I’m within touching distance of a degree though, Japan has once more become an option. It’s so gloriously far away, quite possibly the only place left which is far enough away to still be considered exotic. I don’t particularly care about their culture, history or people-I just see air miles. I’m straining at the leash here, desperate, to get away.
Dublins depressing me, it’s the same old shit all the time. I feel like I’m stuck, and starting to get resentful. Got angry enough to give up the sup, seriously, bar two shit pints on Arthurs Day and a can yesterday I haven’t had a drop in a fortnight. Since this hangover to be precise. And I haven’t looked back. I may have the odd glass of Black Bush but, for now at least, I’m done with the stuff.
This circular lifestyle and the associated depression also carries with it a certain sense of doom. I’m too young to be this bored, I’m 22 for fucks sake! I’m too young to feel like I’m wasting my life, which is how I feel. Get so angry with myself sometimes. I’m supposed to be better than this.
There’s a form of depression that sets in among people who grow up during an economic boom. It was first documented in Canada, where an entire generation were brought up to believe in endless possibilities only to graduate at the end of a doll queue. The force of collective disappointment brought on, often crushing, cynicism and disillusion.
Now, I’m not moping on about suffering from this. What I am saying however, is that if things don’t change radically in the next two years I’ll be a very unhappy person. I say two years only because I’ve resigned myself to the next six or seven months of hard graft being shit, and there being absolutely nothing I can do about it.
Which maybe speaks of a broader problem, I can’t do anything about anything. I feel helpless and it’s getting me down. Cunts all, enough moping for one day. Sorry about this terrible post, and the last few terrible posts.
*I haven’t actually eaten since December 2002
September 28, 2009 at 12:20 am |
Man just fuckin enjoy it would ya… in 5 years time you’ll wish you were still in college, ur going to wish you had the chance to do it all again.
No matter what you do your going to regret something or other… so just get on with it.
Life’s shit but ain’t that a beautiful thing?
September 30, 2009 at 9:29 am |
off to Japan with you at the first opportunity – the fact that you can do that is amazing! not to be depressed about at all ;-)
October 5, 2009 at 8:08 pm |
queries answered at front desk, apologies for the above nonsense.