Proverbs

I forgot the word for proverbs, you know the way you just can’t think of a word. Eventually I had to google “seanfhocail” and found that someone had made a list. I love lists;

Practice makes perfect, unless you suffer from a chronic lack of talent.

And there’s no such thing as bad publicity, unless you’re a paedo. 

Just like the way hard work never hurt anyone, except the people actually doing the work.

Or the way cats always land on their feet, unless you makes sure of it.

Oh and always remember “a good beginning makes a good ending” except, of course, in the case of sequels.

For the record:

 ”a rolling stone gathers no moss”-until it stops.

And an apple a day simply does not keep the doctor at bay, anyone who says otherwise is either a liar or a crackpot.

“Laughter is the best medicine”. Which is why I don’t give any money to sightsavers. No guilt here, is it any wonder they’re sick? Mopey fuckers.

I would also like to point out some gross misconceptions regarding money;

1. Money doesn’t grow on trees(but it is made from trees, and cotton, and other stuff)
2. Money doesn’t make the world go round, that’d be physics.
3. Money doesn’t talk, but if it does you should consult your physician.

Please, and I feel strongly about this one, always judge a book by its cover. The marketing people designed that cover so that you, yes you, would be drawn to it. You’re part of a demographic, you’re predictable, I’m sorry, just deal with it.

Now, lets all get drunk and achieve nothing with our lives! Fuck you Nanna, fuck you!

All over my head

I nearly got knocked over yesterday because I got an aural trip just as I was crossing the road. Aural trips are the worst for me because they happen during the day and are much harder to ignore. I haven’t had one in ages though, and I had two yesterday.

I don’t want to go through this shite again.

Rathfarnams* got talent

It was Stringbeans birthday last night so himself, myself and Growler all had to go out and get hammered(I know, it took a lot of convincing). As I had just done a ridiculously overpayed days work and Growler no longer had a death threat hanging over him** we were all in pretty good form.

That good form wore a little thin though at the start of the night when I had to walk from Stillorgan to the BottleTower in Churchtown. It was freezing cold and I really wished I had bought a naggin instead of cans that one time I did stop. Why? Because cans are cold and naggins are warm and I was  sure my drinking hand could fall off at any moment. But I persevered nonetheless in  ”The Hunt for Reds Satisfaction”*** and eventually met up with the lads.

It was an interesting party crowd. I mean there were obvious ones like Stringbeans perpetual entourage of at least five girls, his mates****, me and young Growler. But also some people I didn’t expect to see, people I hadn’t seen in years like the SparkyJunks and Roychief. I went to school with the two of them, Roychief has always been a sound bastard, SparkyJunks has always been eh…a bit out of it.

So on to Rodeo Joes we did go. I have to say I didn’t like the bouncers verbal warning about them being ’strict on ID’ for nextime. In fact, the cheak of that threat and the empty cavern inside both convinced me that there probably wouldn’t be a next time. However, after about twenty minutes I realised just how wrong first impressions can be. Pretty girls, short skirts and not a rugby jersey in sight-I’m home.

And so the night rolled on. SparkyJunks got the first point in the ‘who can score the fattest minger’ competition only to be equalled by Growlers attempt…..on the same lucky birthday girl. The two then squared up over SparkyJunks “girlfriend” while Roychief, the bouncers and my goodself looked on in disbelief and stitches. Harmless bit of fun…

It was mid way through all the usual birthday banter of shots and dancefloors when I realised that A) shots are somewhat redundant when you’re drinking straight whiskey anyway and B) dancefloors are completely redundant when they’re the only place in the building you’re not allowed hold a drink.

But all in all it was deadly and I woke up this morning with a happy, well-deserved, hangover.

Verdict on Rodeo Joes: 10e in is a bit steep and drinks are not cheap and the bouncers can be mean but deadly nonetheless 

 

*or wherever the fuck I was, I think it was more Churchtown

**no, I won’t be explaining that one. Just accept that this is the way of the great one.

***as the movie will no doubt be called

****as everyone knows; your mates mates are shit, if they weren’t they’d be your mates

No, I won’t be moving, thank you very much

I’m sat in the library chilling with a computer I’ve decided to name Frank. I like Frank, if you spend enough time with him people will think you’re working really hard. But you never are.

You see, Frank is holed up in the corner of the Library where you can see everybody but nobody can see your screen.  They can see you’re sitting in front of a computer, they can hear your fingers tap tap tap the keyboard but they can’t see the game of Tetris on the screen. This is a good thing too because its around this time of day that the place gets a bit crowded.

Every working computer will have a tenant by 11. By a quarter past 11 the room will be filled by a transient class of wild eyed and desperate students, patrolling the room like a pack of hyenas, ready to pounce at the first sign of an opening-a free computer. If they could see what I wasn’t up to I’d imagine that I’d have suffered some type of reprimand by now. Of course, I haven’t.

I know your project is due in half an hour, and it’ll only take two minutes because you just want to print it and…please don’t start crying….its just that I’m on level 15 and you can’t save-listen, you’ll just have to find another computer.

Now, I’ve hunted with the Hyenas before. I’ve been in a shaking fit of rage as I marched in circles around the packed library eyeballing the bastard who’s killing time on bebo when I clearly have work to do-and important work at that.

But when you’re sitting on the other side of the fence, empathy goes clean out the window. I’m gonna sit hear watching youtube with my headphones on,fuck it, I might even make a phonecall while I’m at it-I’ll even put it on loudspeaker so that everyone can hear. Then someone I know will come over and I’ll give out loudly about not being able to concentrate in such a structured environment.

Ye, I’m fucking deadly